Say Cheese, Please

It’s now that time of year. Lights go up on houses, trees appear in empty parking lots, Santa hangs at the local mall and families face the perilous task of the holiday portrait.

Every year since our kids were born we’ve accepted the challenge. It’s nice to have one ‘professionally’ done picture of the kids every year. Dressed in their Sunday best, posing nicely in front of a wintery background and smiling like butter wouldn’t melt in their mouths. That is the idea, the reality is never quite so picturesque.

What I’ve found over the years is that the people paid to take pictures of children, evidently have none of their own and know little about them. Anyone that has kids…or has ever been around kids (small ones anyway) would not fathom asking them to sit for extended periods of time, posed, unmoving and smiling.

So, the lure of 80 plus pictures for only $19.99 draws me in every year. I wrestle the kids into clothing we can agree on and line up with the masses at Sears or Wal-mart. Those who know me would agree, I am excessively patient (being outnumbered 3-1 by children in my house you’d have to be) but by the end of our portrait sessions I am nearly in tears and wanting to yell ‘JUST TAKE THE FRIGGIN PICTURE ALREADY!’

You will never, ever, under any circumstances successfully have 3 little kids all looking at the camera and smiling at the same time. You will be lucky if they are all facing the same direction and nobody has their finger in their nose. This year our picture was taken horizontally rather then vertically because, by the end my kids had decided they had had enough and were going home. The well-intentioned Wal-mart employee was apologetic and seemingly disappointed but I was satisfied. No finger in nose, no hands on head, no tears and 2 out of 3 smiling. Home free for another 12 months.